Monthly Archives: October 2012

How to Find a Business Analyst Job

Google, find me a business analyst job in Los Angeles.

Sure thing, pal…here’s 19 million results. Good luck.

F*ck you, Google.

We’ve discussed how to leverage LinkedIn in order to help your job search.  It’s always helpful to navigate through your own network first in order to refine your search. But let’s say you have a generic major, and you’re still at a crossroads for where to go.

Let us try and help. If you’re reading this blog, then I’ll make a few assumptions about you:

  1. You can’t read. This is good for you because we have terrible content. You’re probably here to search the awesome images we post. Continue on…
  2. You have an interest in technology
  3. You’re a gold-digging cougar hoping to brush up on your tech talk so you can snag a date with some stud like Melvin or Lloyd

That being said, here are our suggestions.

Read More…

Google SEO Update: Link Disavow Tool and the End of Modern SEO

Link Disavow Tool

If you follow SEO news at all, you know that Google just recently released their much anticipated link Disavow Tool. And it even sounds sinister. Disavow.

Future?

With this news also comes the news that SEO as we know it might be over. I’m not inferring that the industry will die and the thousands of SEO agencies will crash and burn into obselescence. What I am saying is amidst the chaos that Penguin and this Disavow Tool have caused, SEO will begin to shift to a more social and less spammy paradigm. Whether or not the 1000’s of SEO agencies make the transition or not, is up to how resilient our denial is.

Read More…

Macaulay Culkin has made the list of Top Search Queries for SWS

Melvin and I always knew we were special, but after Google Analytics showed us the top search queries for this site, we realized we’re so much more special than we ever thought.

Here are the top search queries that drove people to our site (we’re just so gosh darn proud and appreciative of our readership community):

 #5 swordfish computer

nothing to be ashamed of when people associate any Hugh Jackman+Halle Berry+John Travolta film with your site, let alone one in which Hugh hacks the mainframe with a gun to his head and a blonde in his crotch

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#4 sweet ass

not too sure where this comes from, or where it’s going

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#3 richie rich logo

we’re proud of this one, and for too many reasons to list. just look at that pic and try not to smile as you nod your head in approval at his face…

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#2 office pranks

perhaps the most relative term on our site…btw, Melvin drinks his own pee. Not true, it was once, and Lloyd told me it was my favorite brand of low-sugar apple juice. Why I thought my favorite brand of apple juice would have been poured into the toilet for later consumption, I dont know. Don’t judge me, the Pabst Blue Ribbon was flowing that night like the salmon of Capistrano. [ChrisFarley]HORSE’S ASS!!![/ChrisFarley].

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#1 fear boners

our new band name

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Here’s a quick step by step on how to view this.

First things first, install Google Analytics if you haven’t. It’s a must. Next, you’ll need to install Webmaster Tools.

 

Then it’s simple, just go to the left navigation bar.

Click Traffic Sources >> Search Engine Optimization >> Queries

View the list of top search queries, complete with Number of Impressions, Clicks, Average Position, and the Click Through Rate (CTR) percentage.

 

 

 

 

And then be enlightened by the information Google gets for you.

We are, once again, so proud of the SWS Community.

Cheers to being awesome.

Cheers again.

And again.

How to Generate Revenue While You Peruse Massage Parlors in Thailand

Since Al Gore invented the internet in the year 2000, businesses have had to adapt to a new ecosystem. You don’t necessarily need the pretty sales person, the sparkly clean shop windows or even the act of being physically present. Yup, the whole thing can be automated so that you can generate revenue while you peruse massage parlors in Thailand.

Get your domain name (www.yourdomainname.com) from someone like GoDaddy (always search for awesome coupons first). Set it up with web hosting and you’re almost up and running (keyword: almost). Install WordPress and be sure to get our suggestions for must-have WordPress plugins (Yoast SEO is essential).  Read More…

How to Take a Dump at the Office

It’s a very challenging hurdle when u need to take a dump at the office.

In case any of you need help,  here are my tips:

1)  Try to take a shit when you initially feel your sphincter contracting. Waiting too long can build up a powerful and obnoxious sounding blast when u finally release

2) As you walk to the Jon, try to act as if everything is ok. Do not act as if you are about to relieve yourself of a 10 couric cannonball.

3) As you enter the Jon, casually scan the parameters to ensure the area is empty Read More…

How to Search for Values in a List Using Excel

It’s a common task for many analysts, and helpful for most people in general, so this post will outline how to search for values in a list using Excel. Let’s say you have a master list in column A. In this example, assume it is a list of current customers who have always paid their bills on time. Now your boss hands you another list, and it’s a list of customers who are late on their current bill. Perhaps they do not want to punish the customers who (to this point) have always paid on time, so it’s your job to find out which of the current ‘late’ customers have historically paid on time. This image below is a simplified version of what you may encounter, but the concept is the same.

Now it’s your job to find out if the late customers (Albert, Missy or Dick) have been good customers in the past. Read More…

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